Shark

Picture it, Sicily 1917, I arrange for 3 mates and myself to go off to the movies to see an epic tale of how 2 Americans died in Australia. Knowing this was a true story and the impacts that this has in my area of studies/employment I was up to date with the proceedings and knowledge of the coroner’s inquest and recommendations handed down in a Queensland court.

Ok, lets fast track this a bit. The movie was called Open Water. You know the story, 2 American divers get let behind on the Great Barrier Reef and die……. To me, that would be a 20 minute movie, and after 2 minutes that was what I was praying for. But no! So, really bad actors, really bad setting – think they had it set in the Bahamas or something – but this was a blessing in disguise as it really showed how stupid Aussies are in the movie. What was good was the fact that the sharks were real. So in Australia we call POME’s “Whining Pome’s” but you should have seen these yanks. At least there was no praying (latest stats show that America is made up of 40% born agains). Yes, ok perhaps I would be doing a bit of complaining as well after being left behind, but get over it – your now shark bait, deal with it.

Let me get to the good bits. The man sitting behind me left and came back to proceed to touch me on the leg. Ok. You’re in the wrong isle mate, so back the hell away from my leg…. 2 isles are now laughing at him for making that mistake. Can I say, that was the highlight of the whole movie.

So they die, yes we all get that, but before they die, she is the first one to get bitten by a shark. Now bleeding, she was being tapped near the wounded area. What could it be? Well as there are numerous sharks now circling her, my guess is that it was - doing the bolt, Harold Holt swimming with the sharks handing out ALP how to vote cards……….. That would have been a great scene to add to the movie and I would go out on a limb to say a federal election winning tactic – but unfortunately it didn’t happen.

At the end of the day, I was very thankful that I didn’t pay money for this movie and that the boys pulled out at the last moment to see another movie, so they were saved.

However, and this is where it gets scary, the director has been asked to do the German tourist croc attack that happened up here in the NT 2 years ago. I can only hope that he is killed in the making of this movie to save us all from this very hideous lack of talent and scene setting. The scenes in this movie were not even made out to look like Australia or the Great Barrier Reef. So you can just imagine that the croc attack movie will be set in Florida swamp lands with alligators.

This is Kim Dundee reporting from the Territory